it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
