Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
