the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
