All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
