I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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