I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
