i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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