Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
