First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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