I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize