is your mom at the bar?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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