you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
