I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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