If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
