i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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