If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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