I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
