mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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