i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
