Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
