Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
