Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
