You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
