he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
