Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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