i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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