Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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