I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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