Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
