Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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