At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
