Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
