you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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