I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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