dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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