i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
