She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
do nipples grow back?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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