I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
