the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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