Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
