P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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