if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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