i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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