I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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