i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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