I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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