i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
