I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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