I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
