We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
