I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
