Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
