Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
