I think i peed on brittanys purse
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
