You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
