He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
