at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
