that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
