I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
