I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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