Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
