I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
