My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
