Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
