I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
