I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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