like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
